By: Bevi Kothare, Customer Operations at Livpact
August 2018
Babies are cute, puppies are cute, who made seniors cute? Why does the photo of the 90-year-old couple having breakfast together get circulated as ‘the most adorable thing ever’? It’s two people having breakfast, probably the same way they’ve been having breakfast most of their lives, except with a few more wrinkles, brought on by years of experience.
Seniors who dance, seniors who curse, seniors who are doing everyday things, being true to their age are often seen as ‘cute’ in society. When a 6-month-old dances to the song on the radio, with wobbly feet, grinning with two tiny teeth –it’s cute. They are new to the world, not knowing themselves or their surroundings. Seniors are the exact opposite, they have a lifetime of experience with a wealth of knowledge.
It’s so common that we now have a word for this phenomenon, infantizing. While infantizing can start with well meaning comments, it can lead to condescension, and dismissing the maturity of the senior. This attitude can be offensive, and ultimately harmful for the senior.
Health care providers may often disregard valid concerns because they are infantizing seniors, leading them to ignore social, emotional, or sexual issues. Family members might also not take into account the senior’s feelings when making big decisions or plans because they internally infantize the senior and neglect their opinion.
The problem is magnified when seniors have a cognitive decline or dementia, and need to rely on others for assistance. Infantizing this vulnerable population is done on a daily basis in nursing homes across the country. Seniors who live in dementia units are often given kids toys, children’s puzzles, or expected to do activities taken from a preschool handbook. These are seniors who were once doctors, lawyers, engineers, and craftsman, and are now given a teddy bear to play with and occupy their time. It’s simply not right.
While we can functionally understand cognitive decline and impairments in some seniors, this is no reason to infantize them. Those that are younger can have the same issues due to accidents, disease, or injury. It shouldn’t be ‘cute’ when an 85-year-old plays the piano, they may have been doing it since they were 8. While some abilities may diminish over time, the reservoir of knowledge doesn’t suddenly dry up. There shouldn’t be a balance to communicate celebrating age, versus patronizing the senior. We should treat them how we treat everyone else, with dignity, respect, and the integrity that they are due.